sweetpeabart: Funny Adult Ed Classes

Friday, February 2, 2007

Funny Adult Ed Classes

Here are some ads for the GOAT MILK soapmaking classes being offered as adult education in our community. As if one class isn't enough, there's a "Part 2" class if you "enjoyed making goat milk soap" so much last semester! Also, looking forward to the Club Drugs for Adults. Sounds like a wild time....need to find a sitter for that night :-) Oh, and that one's free!

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Some Fun Sayings

People are always comparing Freddie Mercury to god. I know he's done some good shit but he's certainly no Freddie Mercury.
A party without cake is just a meeting.
Republicans/Democrats = Same Sh** Different Piles [bumper sticker]
Never hold a grudge. If you do, you are allowing someone you don't like to live in your head rent free! ~Anonymous
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery. ~Groucho Marx
Not only is my short-term memory horrible, but so is my short-term memory.
Lord, give me the coffee to change the things I can change, and wine to accept the things I can't.
Worry is a way of letting God know you're paying attention. ~Frankie Heck from The Middle 2/20/2013
There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.
The federal government is harder to figure out than women. ~T Frizz
I am not a pessimist. I am an optimist with all the facts.
My glass is half empty....if you're going to round up. ~Katie Grace Carpenter
The wind blew. The dust flew. And in walked Logan!
Would you like to swing on a star? Carry moonbeams home in a jar? And be better off than you are? ~Bing and Frank
I'll put your lights out. ~Chicago Musical
You're a real gang of laughs.
Holy Smokes!
For Pete's sake!
I'm not depressed, I'm married. There's a difference. ~J$ from ACECO
There are friends who will help you move, and there are friends who will help you move the dead bodies. ~J$ from ACECO
Celebrate, we will, for life is short but sweet for certain. ~DMB
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it. ~Ferris Bueller
I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. The sinners are much more fun. ~Billy Joel
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
I never make stupid mistakes; only very, very clever ones. ~John Peel
Did you ever stop to think and then forget to start again? ~A.A. Milne
Luck favors the prepared. ~Edna "E" Mode from The Incredibles
Beauty fades. Dumb is forever. ~Judge Judy
Life is not like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today WILL burn your ass tomorrow.
If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber. ~Albert Einstein
The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. ~MME. De Stael
A woman's guess is much more accurate than a man's certainty. ~Rudyard Kipling
One learns in life to keep silent and draw one's own confusions. ~ Cornelia Otis Skinner
It's a man's world, but it wouldn't be nothin' without a woman or a girl. ~James Brown
Maybe this world is another planet's hell. ~Aldous Huxley
If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. ~Florynce Kennedy
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. ~John F. Kennedy
I may have my faults, but being wrong ain't one of them. ~Jimmy Hoffa
Tell the truth and run. ~Yugoslavian Proverb
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. ~Alice Roosevelt Longworth
I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true. ~Dorothy Parker
I would have made a good pope. ~Richard Nixon
I married beneath me. All women do. ~Nancy, Lady Astor
If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. ~Paul Fix
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. ~Woody Allen
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time
When I'm good I'm good. When I'm bad I'm BETTER!
Living with a saint is more grueling than being one. ~Robert Neville
Every saint has a past. Every sinner has a future.
I feel a sin coming on.
Time flies when you are having rum.
The day God created the cat He didn't do another thing except sit down and smile.
Every time I say the word DIET I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
I love you more today than yesterday. Yesterday you really pissed me off!
Age improves with wine.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Motherhood....God's way of saying, "You like sex, do ya??" ~Maxine
Thoughts of divorce, never. Homicide, often. **don't worry, i'm not going to kill my husband**
Kissing my mind goodbye is not as fun as kissing a cute boy.
At what point lay dishonesty: wanting or doing.
Be careful. If you can't be careful, be good. If you can't be good, name it after me!
There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.
How beautiful it is to do nothing and rest afterwards.
Be yourself--everyone else is taken.
Wine makes everyone hopeful. ~Aristotle

Words To Remember

West VA isms

"I reckon." (People really do say this....not just on TV. Heard it more in my life in 2-1/2 months than ever!)

Nice mixture of east coast, midwest, and the south. I can find Creamette brand pasta (midwest), Herr's and Utz snacks (east coast), and some southern brands that I don't know yet (Mayfield ice cream?).

There are big, beautiful ferns and outdoor ceiling fans on the big, beautiful, wrap-around porches.

Pansies lasting all winter in the landscaping.

Pop or soda-pop.

Buggy = shopping cart.

Halloween is a BIG party! Most fun I've ever had on Halloween!

Say mortuary instead of funeral home.

PA isms

Sprinkles are called jimmies out east.
PA requires car inspection.
Godfather's pizza can be found at some Hess Gas Stations in PA. I know of two stations that have it. I tried it and it was AWFUL...nuthin' like the REAL stuff ;-)
Playing quiots (google it) out east is to playing horsehoes in midwest.
No school on the Monday after Thanksgiving for first day of hunting season in PA.
Hy-Vee vs. Giant
Kum & Go vs. Wawa
East coast spreads cinders on the pavement during snow vs. sand or salt.
Baked oatmeal is a PA thing. Maybe even PA Dutch. It's oatmeal mixed with egg, some baking powder, and spices. Then it's baked. Good served with milk poured over top.
In the midwest, people have garage sales. Out east, they're called yard sales. Guess it's cause most people do have garages when they have a house in the mid-west. Out east, the row houses don't have garages. Or, if they do, it's located out back...not very convenient for a sale.
McDonald's serves chocolate soft serve ice cream in the midwest. Not out here. Only vanilla. No twist cones. Rita's Italian Ice has twist cones (custard) and you can get Turkey Hill soft serve, which does include chocolate or twist, at very limited locations.
Tomato Pie out east. It's pizza without the cheese or any toppings, served cold. Think crust and sauce only.
Pizza places leave pizza out under the glass case and warm up your slice when you order, in the east.
TastyKakes, Yuengling, Herr's all PA brands not heard in midwest.
Midwesterners call the marsh growing plant cat-tails. PA = cat o' nine tails.
Potato Filling and Bread Filling = something PA Dutchy for Thanksgiving....different than stuffing, I guess.
Yous = you guys or y'all.
Midwest says "bun" as in "hot dog bun." East Coast says "roll."
Hoagies and Grinders...In the midwest, "sub" is the blanket term for what Philly's east coast calls a hoagie, zep, po' boy, and grinder (this one is toasted).
Alcohol on east coast only sold at Wine/Spirit store or Beer distributor. Throwback to Puritan days, I guess.
All = gone/finished. "The ice cream is all." (period, that's it, gone).
Shoo-fly Pie and Whoopie Pie (PA Dutch items).
Barbeque = Sloppy Joe or Maid Rite (loose meat sandwich).
Grex = whiney, complain
Wrutch = wiggly, usually toddlers are wrutchy
Soda instead of pop
A while = now "I'll get your drinks a while."
Macadem = blacktop
Sliding board = slide on swingset
Sweeper = vacuum cleaner
It's CLOSE outside = very humid outside
Food store = grocery store
Aside = beside "Come sit aside of me."
Hoss = someone who is strong
Catty-corner instead of kitty-corner
HairS cut instead of haircut
LEAVE me know instead of LET me know.
Bed clothes = bed linens
Sandtart cookies are essentially thin sugar cookies.
A PA high schooler was unfamilar with "hash it out" for midwestern "talk it over."